she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
