I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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