I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
