Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
