if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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