she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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