The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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