he shaved USA in his pubs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
