he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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