I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
we should paint friendship bongs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
