I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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