You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can you bring me the toilet please
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
