Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need a beard to bite.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize