Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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