I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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