Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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