I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
