She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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