if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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