I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
