i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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