The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
