we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
