I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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