i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
