I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
