And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
