So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry about my life...
He did a backflip because drugs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
