I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
