your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
