So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
