New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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