I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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