i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
