Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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