i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
