You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
