They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize