Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
