I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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