Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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