If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize