I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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