I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
