Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
