So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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