I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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