Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
