hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my liver is dry heaving
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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