forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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