Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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