You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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