at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
