Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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