It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
