Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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