i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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