Say something about gay babies.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize