Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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