Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
