I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
