I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
