C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you would pick up someone in the library
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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