she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wear drunk well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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