You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
