im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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