found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
